MY MEMORIES
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Time passes so fast. As the date comes nearer, I feel more n more reluctant to let go. Talking to Vanitha ytd suddenly made me realise my true feelings. Even though I dun agree to some stuff... but as pointed out by Andy just now, I mayb so good at deceiving myself tt I no longer feel it... I really duno... Mayb vanitha might b spot on 100% afterall...
Hearing her story makes me wanna ensure that at least she gets a happy 21st birthday at least from us... I know she really misses the singapore crowd... I duno if I would ever feel that but then the very fact tt Im still stuck in boring sad depressing singapore is so saddening... I really just hope to take like 2 to 3 months off and disappear away to mayb Italy backpacking while I work I just wanna take a break from everything to just simply clear my thoughts...
I dun blame anyone and anything for this situation that Im in... I have alr treated it as a learning experience even though it's negative in the end... Even though my feelings+person+lifestyle+everything might be hurt at the end of this I won't blame anything or anybody. Seriously... It's just gonna b a very valuable experience...
Everything will come to a conclusion in Oct... im quite serious abt tt... Oct is a good time to go away and visit vanitha and probably Yiwen... Visit the place that I almost went... my almost "now".... Go n see wad I actually missed out... Most imptly is of cux visiting vanitha... I duno if I can get to do tt cux $$... but then I feel like being just wilful and just say I gotta go away and I dun care wad all of you think. I really duno wad to do and wad can I do, really...
Can the person involved pls take some initiative/simply become more aware of this whole situation im in and then lemme know... Im just no in control of this and im so freaking out! I feel like im like throwing away my future cux of this whole situation... I feel like im just like a dog? i think puppy more appropriate cux at least dogs know how to fight back... ask to come den come ask to go den go kinda sitation... super unappreciated for who im... nvr felt tis unappreciated and super not-being-good-enough in my whole life before!!! I mean isit tt much to ask for pple who appreciates me for who im?!?! regardless of how bad-tempered/unattractive/untalented/stupid/naive im?!?! Vanitha says that I deserve to be in a better place now and advices me to make a certain decision... but im just afraid to do so... Great... now the background is playing the song "jie tuo"... I really duno even if I want to "jie tuo" for now... All i want is a clear ans/conclusion to this whole complicated situation im in... It's not tt it's a bad situation but it's just so complicated... im so much in a dilemma.... so much... how m I to choose? shd I just force draw a conclusion aft the exams... or shd I just wait till Oct? I really duno alr...
``Your name ; 3:06 PM
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